It’s Different Now

While very drunk, my husband wanted to go buy more alcohol. I put myself in front of the door with a firm “NO”.

“Then you drive me to the store”.

After hearing my reasons why I would not do that, calling me some very choice words, and making very derogatory comments about my character, he went back to his man cave to have more liquor.

Ten minutes later we went through the same scenario again. We repeated this absurd and inane interaction for almost 2 hours.

Then he began to get angry. There were threats to hurt me if I did not get out of the way. I was not afraid. He was so drunk and slow that I could not imagine him being able to hurt me. But then he did. He grabbed my arm to push me away from the door. I stood my ground as he kept squeezing and pushing my arm. I was determined to not physically hurt him in any way and yet I was not going to let him go outside.

That’s when one of our adult children came in the room.  “Get your hands off my mother!” he screamed.  My husband backed off and tried to explain what he was doing.  Our normally quiet and mild-mannered child turned into a drill sergeant.  “Dad, sit your *** down…    Shut the ***up…..    You don’t need any more*** alcohol…”  He went on with very loud commands and statements regarding alcohol poisoning, rehab, family love, and so on.  My husband listened and then decided he needed to go to bed.  He “apologized” for hurting my arm, but reminded me that it was all my fault.

The next day when he was sober, he still insisted that he would never intentionally hurt me and that the previous night was all my fault.   He spewed more promises of how he will never get out of control like that again.  Do I believe him?  No, eventually the pull of alcohol will consume him and we will have a repeat of the stupidity.

I did not think that I could be more detached from my husband, but now I am.   I no longer feel as though I share my house with a husband.  I now share it with an alcoholic man.  He knows that if he steps out of line again, I will protect myself and he will have to leave.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s