Father’s Day has come and gone. My kids did not acknowledge the day at all. Most had no contact with their dad. One son is not communicating with his dad at all, regardless of the day. It is too painful for him. He tells me that once upon a time he had a great dad and he would rather remember him that way.
My husband’s brother TJ has tried throughout the years to talk some sense into my husband. TJ is heartbroken over the changes he has seen in his brother, me, and our kids. He is stressed out over the ways that alcoholism is affecting all members of our families. A few days ago TJ tried to take a John Wayne type approach to the situation: blunt talking followed by fists flying. My husband ended up with a small cut on the side of his head.
I was not around when this altercation happened, but my husband let me know that it was my fault. If I had not told certain family members what goes on in our house, TJ would know very little of our reality and therefore would not be upset. I didn’t believe that for a minute.
My husband has been drunk at family gatherings more often than not so the whole family knows he has a problem. It was very obvious that nobody wished him a happy Father’s Day on facebook. But, I still am conflicted about my own words to family members. Am I spreading gossip? Should I make some vague comments when somebody asks me how my husband is doing? When asked why our kids don’t show up for family gatherings, do I tell a lie and make it seem like everything is ok? What is that balance of speaking the truth in love versus love covering over a multitude of sins?
I don’t have any solid answers. All I can do is try to be God-honoring in my words and actions.
My heart hurts when I think of the mental turmoil TJ is in. My heart breaks when I think of the anger, sadness, and disappointment my kids feel. I am sad that my husband is still running down a path of destruction. I felt nothing when my husband told me of the conversation leading up to the fist fight and showed me the cut on his head. I just wondered what it is going to take to wake him up to reality.