A Return to Folly

For almost a month my husband had cut back on his alcohol consumption by about 75%.  He even did a couple chores around the house this week.  All the talk he did about getting a job soon was looking more and more like it could be a reality.  I still did not believe that he could hold a job, but I smiled and nodded whenever he brought it up.

This morning was a sharp and sad wake up call for me.  9:00 a.m. and husband is so drunk he is stumbling.   I had checked the alcohol supply earlier and noticed that he hadn’t had that much (relatively speaking).  I was so disappointed in his behavior.   The thought kept popping up in my brain that he shouldn’t appear so drunk on that quantity of alcohol .  Is he now “late stage”?  Is his liver past the point of no return?

No time to talk for I had to go to work.  The first song on the car radio spoke what was on my heart:  “God, when you choose to leave mountains unmovable, give me the strength to be able to say it is well with my soul.”  I was able to worship a bit.

Either I have gotten very good a compartmentalizing my life or very good at trusting God’s plan for me.  Perhaps a little bit of both.  Today I was able to do my job without anybody even suspecting that my heart was breaking just a little while earlier.

When I and our youngest child came home this evening, my husband was still drunk, unsteady on his feet, and did not care that he had soiled his pants.  Proverbs 26:11 says,  “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”

I grieve for the man that used to be a good husband and an excellent father.  I ache because our youngest had to see his dad in that condition again.

The verse for today is Hebrews 12:1:  “Since we have such a huge crowd of men of faith watching us from the grandstands, let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us.”

God, take away my pride, fear, anger, and callousness.  God, give me the patience to run my particular race.

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