A week ago, after several more falls and injuries, my husband took a turn for the worse. He wasn’t drinking nearly as much as usual, but the effects were so much more pronounced. He was slurring his speech, drooling, unaware of his location or position, and hallucinating. He spent 24 hours not being able to stand, walk, or crawl. After that segment of time there was a day or two where he could barely sit up and take a step. He had other physical symptoms indicating that his body was shutting down.
I made the hard decision to immediately quit my job. It was time. My husband looked like he needed a full-time caregiver, and that person is me. It would not be right to have my kids be the ones to change his clothes and bathe him.
I shed lots of tears that day. I discovered deep down that I was not ready for my husband to die. Yes, on the surface he irritates me and I wish this whole phase of my life could be over. But, I will miss him for who he used to be. I will also miss the wonderful people that I have worked with over these past 9 years.
Wouldn’t you know, the day after I quit my job, my husband was back to his somewhat normal self. He was walking, talking, and acting just the same as he was two weeks ago. A couple of the symptoms of body shut-down went away. He even was able to walk up a short flight of steps. I am continually amazed at how this man’s body defies science.
He is eating better now because I am making him small meals now and then. Partly done out of compassion. Partly done because I am tired of him making a mess in the kitchen. Eating soup with a fork can leave lots of debris behind.
This near brush with death hasn’t made him change his mind about his lifestyle. If anything, he wants to do all he can to speed up the process of dying. What a waste of all that God has given him!
Every day I still need to choose how I live. I sing with Jesus Culture:
Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I lift my voice ’cause You set me free….I am Yours.