A new semester is starting and for the past several days I have waffled back and forth on if I should stay enrolled. My husband’s health took another turn for the worse. Should I skip this semester and therefore not have to lose any school time in the event of him passing away? Is he going to need more care and I won’t have enough time to actually study?
This morning as he sat half-naked in his basement chair, he was drooling, slurring his words, and unable to comprehend some basic information. He had fallen again and really couldn’t walk well. I offered to help him get some clean clothes on. He didn’t want my help. I offered to get him a blanket which he did accept. I brought him some tissue so he could wipe his face. I asked if he was hurt or bleeding. His response:
“I want you to go away. I don’t ever want to see you again. You are a curse to me.”
I did have an appointment soon, so I left him sitting there in his filth. I was briefly offended that he had been so nasty when I had been so nice. It was uncalled for. I did not deserve that. God immediately reminded me that what I just went through was nothing compared to what Jesus went through. I needed to still have a heart of compassion towards him. Jesus was a servant to all, and I should serve my husband.
“And so as those who have been chosen by God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, patience, and humility…”
After my appointment I came home and laundered all of his clothes that he had piled in a disgusting filthy heap. I made an extra trip to the store to buy him alcohol. I washed the dirty dishes that he had accumulated. I offered to make him a sandwich. His response:
“Go away. You are so condescending. You treat me like shit.”
That’s just fine. Still nothing compared to what Jesus went through for me. I did roll my eyes as I left him sitting all alone. He is so blind.