Wouldn’t you know, right after I wrote that last post and asked Jesus for patience, I had the opportunity to display patience and kindness. I passed but not with flying colors.
I checked on my husband to find him lying in the doorway to the backyard. Still breathing, not bleeding, and somewhat awake. I had to pull him in a bit so he had room to roll over and get onto his knees. He didn’t have anything close by to help him to push up on one side. He refused to use the walker and instead asked for my hand. I was not going to pull him and risk throwing my back out. I braced myself and held out my flexed arm as something he could pull on. This whole ordeal took 15-20 minutes because he kept arguing with me about proper body mechanics, telling me that I don’t know my excrement, but I am full of it. I did tell him to shut up several times even though I have ingrained in my brain that “shut up” is an impolite term.
I did not berate him for his behaviors or all of his irrational and obscene statements. I just wanted to make sure he could come all the way inside the house and I could get the door closed. It seemed like an eternity because he was moving so slow. It was really quite sad because I wondered how much of this loss of muscle ability is due to the amount of alcohol today or the cumulative effect over the years.
Once on his feet again he commanded me to go away and leave him alone. So I complied. I did check on him a half hour later. He was coming up the stairs to go to bed. He apologized for saying some very unkind things earlier in the morning. I didn’t say that I forgave him. I did tell him that I was used to it because he gets really stupid when he drinks.
Standard procedure when he leaves the basement is that I go down there to turn off the tv and lights and make sure the outside door is closed. Today I also had to pick up soaked disposable underwear that had just been left on the floor. There was also a massive wet spot in a line towards the toilet. Mopping up urine and sanitizing the floor was suddenly on my to-do list.
Alcoholism is such a horrible disease.
Got everything cleaned up and tried to study. The song in my brain that is making it hard to concentrate reminds me that in spite of failing here and there in this Christian life, God still loves me.