Oh how fickle the mind can be. The past few days my husband started showing signs of chronic liver failure along with other serious issues. He could barely function. I know that his body is too far downhill for a turn-around. I thought I was ready for his death. I was surprised at how sad I felt, being on the verge of tears for days. All I could do was pray that he didn’t suffer. Pity and kindness filled my heart.
Last night all those warm, fuzzy feelings went away. He reverted back to nasty, demanding, verbally abusive husband. God gave me the grace to not verbally retaliate when he was insulting my character, my mom, and my entire family. He is not in his right mind and therefore it would be silly to try to argue with him. I did get irritated with him and just wished that he would leave me alone.
This morning it occurred to me that “a friend loves at all times”. Do I still love my husband? I suppose that I do based on how I felt towards him over the weekend. Do I like him? Maybe not right now. But, I am still concerned about him. I guess love doesn’t always feel like cashmere against the skin. Sometimes it is more like burlap. Today is a burlap day.