I put the trash out on the usual night. None of my neighbors had their recycling bin out, so I presumed that recyclables would be picked up next week. Morning came and I was rushing out the door to school when I see that all the neighbors now have two cans at the street instead of one. I had no time to run back into the house to fetch the recyclables, but I could at least put out the yard waste to the street. Husband is standing on the porch yelling at me that it all should have been done the night before. I tell him that I didn’t know which week it was.
“Well, you should have taken care of it last night.”
“I’ve been busy. Do you think that you can help me?”
“No. You just need to work harder.”
That comment from the man who does nothing around the house except get food out of the refrigerator ended the conversation. Why even bother talking to him if that is his mindset? Everyday I spend hours on schoolwork, clinical assignments, or housework. Free time, right now, consists of a couple hours a day. I am enjoying life, am super busy, but do not feel stressed out. Why let the delusional thinking of a man who has destroyed his common sense ruin my day? Let it slide.
This morning Husband got upset because he remembered conversations from a couple days ago totally different than how they actually went down. The so-called truth that he has in his mind does not even make sense in the real world. Of course, his memory is correct and I am as “dumb as a rock” and “so stupid”. More chances for me to let it slide. Which I did. But, then our daughter joined in.
She is feisty, bold, angry, sad, and does not mince words. She loudly spoke truth to her dad which he did not want to hear and did not believe. He kept wanting me to step in and defend him. I couldn’t. I had no words. It broke my heart to see all the hurt pour out of her.
I did step in when she threatened to take away his alcohol. The lessons I am studying this week in pharmacology and pathophysiology just so happen to be on drug and alcohol disorders. I have also covered much of the basic concepts in previous classes. I gave both of them a two minute version of just how damaged his body is and that going without alcohol for an extended time without medical supervision would kill him. I didn’t have time to tell them about the alcohol related brain dysfunction that we are currently covering in mental health class. He was done listening to anything, told me that he doesn’t believe it at all, and that I am full of bovine excrement. Another chance to let it slide.
“I’m running to the One who knows me, who made every part of me in His hands…Tuning out every single word that caused me pain…I am loved…” Check out this song by Blanca.