Well my husband has mostly recovered from traumatic brain injury that occurred in November and a mini-stroke that occurred at the beginning of this year. He is not falling down several times a day anymore. He does not suddenly fall out of his chair, either. He can go up and down entire stairways again. He can speak normally. He does not sit and stare into nothing for hours at a time. The physical signs that told me his body was internally shutting down have disappeared.
When I talked to him about these changes and said that God is showing him mercy and kindness and giving him a chance to start living differently, his response was disbelief. He was sober during this conversation, but still unable to see the big picture. Why can’t he just surrender to the Creator who gives life to all?
My husband and I are so far apart in our thinking and living. It reminds me of a song called “Just One Touch” performed by Kim Walker Smith:
“I searched the earth when all that I needed was just one touch, …my soul won’t rest ’till I find rest in You, for there is no peace, no freedom apart from You,” This is the part that my husband just doesn’t get. He keeps trying to find peace and freedom with alcohol and thoughts of dying. He is content to wallow in misery.
“Here at the end of me you are my victory, I’m trading my scars for all that you are, for just one touch.” He doesn’t see that in surrender there is true victory. We can give all our scars, hurts, addictions, etc., to Jesus and he will give us an abundant life.
The next part of the song expresses the truth of my life: “My joy overflows from all of Your beauty revealed to me…” (Anatomy and Physiology class shows me every day just how awesome the human body is with its billions of cell actions and complex muscles.) “I have been longing, I have been yearning in reckless abandon, surrendered to You, I feel Your fire, I feel You healing, all that You are is all that I’m needing, here at the end of me, You are my victory…with arms stretched open wide come set Your heart in mine, I’m here at Your feet, Jesus I need just one touch.”
I have surrendered to the God who loves me and my heart is at peace in spite of the turmoil of my surroundings.