It’s finals week, my head is scrambled, and I am so ready for a change in classes and scenery. The day after my last exam I am going to fly out to see my mom and spend 5 days with her! I have not seen her in over a year and am really excited to relax with her. But, I still worry a bit about things here at home.
I will make sure that I have enough alcohol in the house so none of the kids have to buy any for their dad. Same with all the other personal items he will need while I am gone. I am praying that he doesn’t die while I am away, because I don’t want the kids to have to find him or deal with all the practical stuff that has to occur. Just in case, though, I have written step by step instructions and phone numbers of what to do and who to call. My husband wants to be cremated, so I bought an urn just because I want to be prepared.
When I am seeing that my husband’s skin tone is turning a grayish yellow color, when my in-laws are having health problems, and when I see the signs of incredible hurt and sadness in my kids, I have to run to the only one who can handle it all. Jesus is the only God who is so loving and kind and concerned about all the little details.
The ugly inside of me is oozing out when I interact with my husband. I seem to have no patience. I am ready to be done with this term at school and I am ready to be done with watching a slow death unfold. I still want to walk on the path God has placed me on, I just want to go faster. Like a child on a long car ride I ask, “Are we there yet?”. Jesus please help me to be patient and content.
I was playing an old cd the other day and came across one song by Twila Paris that I have always loved. The orchestration is beautiful, the melody sticks in my head, and the words express the deepest longings of my heart. “Where He leads me I will follow, when He calls me I will hear…”