It is finals week and life is intense. I still don’t know what to expect from my husband. One minute he is telling me how proud he is of me in going back to school and making good grades. An hour later he wants to get into a verbal fight with me. When I don’t respond, his go-to reply is, “Are you so stupid that you can’t have an opinion?”
Last night I asked him what was all over the floor, pee or water. He said it was pee, but he cleaned it up. “Then that is a puddle of water?” I asked. The next few sentences out of his mouth claimed that yes it was water because he cleaned up an accident, and no, it was pee because he had an accident. I tried to ask him which it was and his response was, “Really? You’re that stupid?”
He will complain that nobody talks to him and that we all must hate him. Shortly after that little rant he proceeds to insult me, our children, and my parents. He doesn’t always remember stuff that we do tell him about. Most of the time though, we have shut him out of our daily lives because it is too painful to keep him fully involved.
It has been a long time since my husband’s flip-flopping has increased my blood pressure or gotten my emotions out of whack. I haven’t always been able to express why this is when my closest friends ask me how I am doing. All I know is that there is something about the peace of God passing all understanding, if I am willing to surrender.
I have one dog who will let me totally cover her up with a blanket. She does not freak out, probably because she knows I would never hurt her. My other dog hates to not be able to see, even for a short time. Which dog will I choose to be like? I don’t know if today is the day my husband dies or if it will be next year. I do know that God has a perfect plan for me and a path to travel. I cannot see it, but I am ok with that. My God has covered me with his blanket of peace, and He loves me.
“You still my soul with quiet joy…through the fire and the flood, I know that I am loved. I can hear You singing over me…”