Today I wept as I washed vomit off the floor. When my husband first told me that he had thrown up and was able to clean most of it up, I was a little angry. As I gathered up the trash, his dirty linens and clothes and took care of it all, I was a bit resentful but trying to be thankful. As I spent time on my knees washing the floor, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness and the realization that I do still love my husband. I prayed that he wouldn’t suffer. I thought about the song from Fiddler on the Roof, “Do You Love Me”. I remembered times when I had participated in foot-washing ceremonies and how that had made me feel overwhelming compassion for the one whose feet I washed. There is something about getting on your knees to serve another that moves the heart to love and mercy.
Those intense feelings went away after the room was clean. I still want to keep my distance from him. Let’s call it protecting my mental health.
alcowife 